Why I Deleted My Social Media Apps Off My Phone
I didn't write a "real" article this week, but I did delete my social media apps (again). Here's why..
I didn’t write a “real” article for my Substack this week. I only posted a 10-second clip of the ocean for videos. I actually deleted all my social media apps off my phone.
Why?
I wasn’t on vacation. I wasn’t dealing with a crisis on the home front. I wasn’t overly busy with any particular project, or feeling particularly lazy.
Over the last few weeks, I noticed I was becoming more anxious. More obsessive. And frankly, a bit too irritable.
I felt the insidious pressure to perform creeping back in. The comparison to others returned, accompanied by the concern that I wasn’t “enough.”
In quiet moments with my family or playful ones with my dogs, I caught myself wondering things like:
“Should I be making this into a Reel?”
“Are there comments I need to reply to on my TikTok?”
“Why is my reach so small on LinkedIn?” 🥀
When I should have been sleeping, I was scrolling the grossest parts of the X and searching Amazon for supplies in case SHTF.
I was exhausted.
So tired.
Mentally and physically.
I was giving my headaches.
Water? What’s that? Just kidding. Kind of.
I was so cranky that I wouldn’t have wanted to hang out with me.
And it wasn’t just for one day.
Or even one week.
“I can’t stop now, just when I’m building momentum.” I told myself.
“I’ll miss something important.”
“People will think I’m not serious.”
Then, in a quiet moment that needed no announcement, I impulsively just deleted the apps. All of them. Off my phone. Bye!
I knew if I thought about it too much, I’d talk myself out of it.
So, one fell swoop, they had to go.
Was I suddenly cured of anxiety and irritability?
Lol.
Did I stay off the platforms completely?
Nope.
I still was checking from my computer.
But I don’t carry my laptop around in my pocket.
And slowly, over the week, I noticed that I was a little less anxious about our impending doom as a world, less irritable about things like choosing what to feed myself, and less concerned I must be breaking with reality to think people would read what I had to write or believe in what I had to say.
The world is still chaotic. The nation is still at a very scary crossroads. I still think the big players in AI aren’t super ethical beings. These things are all still very concerning.
These things are all still extremely important to me.
But instead of piling on more information to process, I sat with my thoughts a bit. I sat with my mom and did crosswords. I sat outside and played fetch with my dog …before she has to say goodbye to the pool for the season. (😭)
I sat, literally, and meditated—something I haven’t done in weeks (eep!).
I sat and wrote, just for me.
Lots of sitting, I guess.
I wouldn’t tote this choice as “life-changing.”
I’m not here to try to convince you that you should delete your apps, but for me, it was necessary.
My mental health is more important to me than my reach.
I fought too long to convince myself that life was worth living intentionally.
I spent years dissociating.
Scrolling.
Comparing.
Despairing.
It took me to places where I wouldn’t want anyone else to visit.
It took me away from the places I wanted to be most.
So, I worked too hard to build a world for myself where I enjoy being present to lose it to the bullshit of an internet where 50% of traffic isn’t real.
And now, I shamelessly take breaks when I need them.
Even when I feel the resistance to stepping away.
I touch grass.
I make time to see the real world.
I connect back to myself and others.
And sometimes, I even put my headphones on real loud and have a dance party.
For real.
Our brains aren’t made to be assaulted by information.
Our bodies aren’t meant to sit and stare at screens for hours.
Our souls aren’t meant to feel a crushing weight of the world all day.
Or at least mine aren’t.
I’m not here to convince you to get those apps off your phone.
Whether posting and scrolling fill you up or drain you out, though, I hope you listen to your brain, body, and soul.
I hope you take care of yourself, friends.
And I hope you remember, choosing to pause from the internet doesn’t have to be a lifetime commitment to being a luddite.
When your friend sends you a TikTok of someone pretending to be the Kenvue CEO marketing “Tylenol Nawtism,” you can give yourself permission to redownload the app, watch the video, and then immediately delete it again.
Because we all need a good laugh sometimes.
Thanks for coming to my TedTalk. <3
Thanks for reading A Few Thousand Days! I’m Courtney, a mental health professional and tech enthusiast who writes about the intersection of advancing technology, our rapidly shifting world, and humanity.
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No matter what you do, thanks for being here and reading this article.
Take care of yourself, my friends.
It’s a wild time out there!
-Courtney